a tribute to you

it's feels like forever since we talked. it must be a couple a few years since that walk. somehow we knew it all would change. your heart was empty and mine was filled with hurt. now i look back and wonder. how did it get to this? would we take it all back? before that fatal moment our hearts decided to love again.

it all started that night we kissed. it was my big celebration night. you looked like a vision in the red dress. we came out of the city on that saturday night. after vodkas, red bulls and champagne. it felt as if i would never be alone again. we sat down staring out at the world. we spoke about things hidden in corners far away. things we never thought would surface again. i never thought it would end up like this. but now all that talk lies shattered. and the time has come to move on.

it has been so long. if we could would we take it back? all the words we spoke and all the promises we made? were we just naive. or were we honest? i sometimes feel it was better before we met. i remember the night we stayed up till late and eventually spoke all through the night. the nights we sat on the porch watching the sun go down over the valley. we were happy in those days. i would probably do it again. take the joys and the pain. and wait till daybreak waking up next to you. it felt then that i had not much to lose but so much to gain.

i would scream but would you hear me? i wonder where you are in this world. i wonder if you are thinking of me too. cos i don't wanna be the only one missing you. the memories of you keeps me awake. i would sit up in bed thinking of our days in the sun. running with the dogs and the rain. i sometimes hear the phone ringing hoping it would be you. the bliss of hearing you voice on the other side. the thought of you being mine forever. i would have your name tattooed across my heart. i would wake up with you for eternity. but it was not to be. who would have said that we would end up like this.

this is a tribute to you. you changed my heart. through the pain i still feel the joy. i still hear your laughter and feel the wetness of your tears. that regretful day. i would have gone down on my knee and changed our worlds forever. but it was not to be. it has made me the man i am. i just wish it could have been different.

Grüner Veltliner

Grüner Veltliner is a white variety grown primarily in Austria and almost nowhere else. It does however also grow in a few Eastern European countries, such as Slovakia, Yugoslavia and the Czech Republic, but the variety is mostly associated with Austria, where it has been cultivated since Roman times. The steep, Rhine-like vineyards of the Danube west of Vienna produce very pure, minerally Grüner Veltliners intended for laying down. Down in the plains, citrus and peach flavours are more apparent, with spicy notes of pepper and sometimes tobacco. The better wines from top sites have lower yields and can be astonishingly complex, full of exotic tropical fruits, white pepper and lentils. They can also show aromas of green beans or asparagus, an engaging "vegetable" smell that is seldom "vegetal", especially when grown in mineral soil. In Austria it is still very much the tradition to drink the wine as young as possible, which is somewhat regrettable; and to drink them with food, which is absolutely correct. It has a reputation of being a particularly food-friendly wine. Grüner Veltliner is perhaps the single most versatile food wine in the world, often surpassing even Riesling because of its ability to pair with "difficult" foods.

I had a bottle from the Wachau region last night and it was sublime. My first encounter with this particular wine was when I had a head-to-head with a snobby sommelier in France some months ago. It was a bit of a ego battle and the sommelier was clearly not impressed with the wine knowledge of the "so-called" imposter from the south. It was a clear case of him feeling inadequate due to some questions I asked him on a particular matter... no surprise there... Champagne! Now for those who dont know it... sommeliers in France simply "will not be outplayed" on the field of Champagnes...but this sommelier in question came up short. So to redeem himself, he put in a "sucker punch" with his questions to de-rail my proverbial knowledge train. And this is where I stunned him with my reply to his question: What is the most difficult food-and wine pairing? Easy game (i said to myself): GV and asparagus!

heartland

I was waiting

I waited for a long time

In the dark shadows beneath grey skies

In the dark shadows in the silence of my mind

You must have seen me waiting

It feels like forever that I have been waiting

In the emptiness of this broken landscape

In the emptiness of my heartland

One day it will come back

I am confident that it will return to me

It will come from a distant land, over the waters of the sea

It will be carried with the dust and sand of the north wind

My heart will return

Yes, my wounded heart will come back to me

It will stop the rain and blot out the sun

It will bring with it the smell of blossoms to my garden

I waited

I have been waiting for so long
The dark shadows have now gone
And this heartland has been restored

i crave the night

it is evident all around me. the scars of what weakness is capable of is there. it has taken me all this time to get here. to the top where i can look down and see it for myself. see for real the havoc and the pain. i realise today that i am a poison. i am a thorn in your side. if i could take a picture and never forget this moment. how i crave the night where i can hide my scars. i am not looking for sympathy. i don't need anybody to tell me what to do. i dispise the weight of their words and how heavy it weighs around my shoulders. as if they could know. as if they would understand. i will find my way. i will find a hole. i don't need force or voilence to crash my way through. no i don't. but i am out of my depth. discarded and naked. exposed and empty. lonely on the outside but my faith holding me down. i find confidence in a knowing deep within that nobody can see. a knowing nobody can steal. going there is like a dream. i fade away in a haze. what has happened to the reality of it all. or am i now a prisoner in my own slumber. it remains the cause of this surreal calamity. my need is to find an answer. as to where i belong. my hope has turned into signals of anguish. they said time heals all wounds. but this misery has become a substitue of my time. therefore i crave the night. to hide the scars laid bare. where there's no need for anybody to lay their heavy words upon me. i need to find that dream. or cry myself to sleep.

i guess it's better if i run

i've never felt so restless. are these times contagious? will it pass or am i doomed for another season? i can't handle it no more. or is it just my imagination? i've never been this bored before. what is this prize that i've waited for? it all seems gone and forgotten now. while i sit here with the hours passing. is there nothing left here for me to do? i yearn to find the messenger. will he instruct me what to do? but i am afraid the mailbox remains empty. there is only a heap of frustration left behind. what if i run? what if i decide to go? it will be a long way to run. but i can make it. yes i will make it in the end. only just. if i decide to run. but i hang around. desperate to find the cure. or i can sell myself and regain the sanity i once shared. to buy a picture of old memories and safe places in my head. i am starting to process the awakened qualities that i always had. but i don't know how to handle them anymore. i guess it's better if i run.

in retrospect

over the last few weeks i have come to the realisation once again that life is made up of seasons. some are good with the sun shining. others are less favourable. and then you get the outright terrible and challenging seasons. you sometimes stand in the middle of a situation and you cannot for the life in you remember how you got there. on other occasions you did not really question how you got there cos it was pretty good. i mean – you only question the bad one right? so once again i find myself in one of those in between seasons. as a matter of fact it feels like i have been there for a long time. perhaps i did not recognise the earlier seasons of this journey. but i have put every experience in the bag. and i am walking on. like i said season come and seasons go. the time is around the corner where this season will change once more and i cannot help to stop and take a look back down the road that i have been on. what i value most are the interactions that i have had with people and rediscovering friendships that add value to my life. while on the other hand unplugging some others that have become dead wood. life is like that. look at a vineyard. every winter it needs serious pruning where sometimes more than half its wood gets cut and thrown either on the ground or in a fire. this is done to preserve the vine so that it can blossom in the spring and give fruit in the summer. and seeing that my purpose is to bear fruit i myself have to go through this pruning session. so what else is lies behind me in the road? months in a city i truly enjoy, yet it has left me with an empty feeling. i guess i had a different expectation. i thought it would work out differently. it is nobody’s fault. it is just the way it played out and i have to deal with it. some adventures lurking down the road. more opportunities. but none bigger than the much anticipated return to the south.

life for rent

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home

I never stick around quite long enough to make it

I apologize that once again I'm not in love

But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't lean to buy

Well I deserve nothing more than I get

Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea

To travel the world alone and live my life more simply

I have no idea what's happened to that dream

Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy

Well I deserve nothing more than I get

Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down

While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try

Well how can I say I'm alive if my life is for rent...

lyrics: by dido

never know

when i sit down to write a song
i never know where i should start
to say the words because it rhymes
it has been done too much for me to try

i get up weary and turn around
i never knew we’ve got so right
it feels the same as every time
i’ve come to say that special line

when i sit down to write a poem
i never know what i should say
to speak of you as summer rains
is falling short of ending ride

i get up weary and turn around
i never knew we’ve got so right
it feels the same as every time
i try to say that special line

we get up to walk away
i sometimes doubt if i should go
when i walk out and fly away
i never know when i will return

i get up weary and turn around
i never knew we’ve got so right
it feels the same as every time
i try to say that special line

lyrics: helmuth meijer

crazy

In a church full of faces. He talks about the people going under. Only a child knows... A man decides after seventy years that what he goes there for is to unlock the door. While those around him criticize and sleep. Then through a fractal on a breaking wall I see you my friend and touch your face again. Miracles will happen as we trip. But we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy. No we're never gonna survive unless we are a little crazy. Yellow people walking through my head. One of them's got a gun to shoot the other one. Yet together they were friends at school. If all were there when we first took the pill then maybe, maybe thing could have been different. In a sky full of people only some want to fly. Isn't that crazy? In a world full of people, only some want to fly. Crazy. In a heaven of people there's only some that want to fly. But we're never gonna survive unless, we get a little crazy. And then you see things. The size of which you've never known before. They'll break it before they make it someday. Only a child knows.... Them things the size of which you've never known before someday. Someway. When we get crazy.

words (modified): by seal

the man who can't be moved

Going back to the corner where I first saw you. Gonna camp in my sleeping bag. I'm not gonna move. Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand. Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am. Some try to hand me money they don't understand. I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man. I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do. How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me. And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be. Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet. And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street. So I'm not moving...I'm not moving. Policeman says son you can't stay here. I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year. Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows. If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go. Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me. And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be. Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet. And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street. So I'm not moving....People talk about the guy who's waiting on a girl. There are no holes in his shoes. But a big hole in his world...and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved. And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news. And you'll come running to the corner...Cos you'll know it's just for you. I'm the man who can't be moved... Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me. And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be. Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet. And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street. So I'm not moving. Going back to the corner where I first saw you. Gonna camp in my sleeping bag and I'm not gonna move.

lyrics from: the script

untouchable

through wind and rain i got to where i am. now i am flying without any fear. i have been doing pain for so long. but now i stare in the mirror and it is all gone. through wind and rain i burn bright. i have learnt to fly through flames while holding on tight. there are so many ways to go wrong. but when i look in i the mirror they are all gone. in my dreams it feels like i am standing tall. when you are not around i feel untouchable. in my dreams it feels like i will never fall again. i am safe and sound and remain untouchable. it is only real when you are not around. i am walking in the rain while the sun goes down. and i realise that only love can save me now. i do not need you hear to show me how.

i believe that love can not be that hard. sometimes i am standing in the dark here but soon it will light up everywhere i go. i know my heart should not beat so hard. sometimes my mind is like an ocean full of sharks. but soon i will be safe and out the cold. in my dreams it feels like i am standing tall. when you are not around i feel untouchable. in my dreams it feels like i will never fall again. i am safe and sound and remain untouchable. it is only real when you are not around. the candle in my hand is at the end of its burning. but i know that love should not be so hard. but standing in the dark must have an end.

they wait for me at the door. everybody is hunting me down. without any meaning or reason. they want to skin me to the bone. like beautiful robots dancing around. and when they leave i will still be alone. they wait at the door but i stand tall. in my dreams it feels like i am ready to fall. when you are not around i feel untouchable. in my dreams it feels like i will never return. i am safe and sound and remain untouchable.

a great man once said....

• "A man can be destroyed but not defeated..."
• "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools..."
• "Courage is grace under pressure...."
• "Cowardice... is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend functioning of the imagination..."
• " Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another..."
• "Never confuse movement with action..."
• "Never go on trips with anyone you do not love..."
• "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to simply trust them..."
• "The man who has begun to live more seriously within begins to live more simply without..."
• "In order to write about life, first you must live it..."
• "il faut d'abord durer..." meaning "first one must endure..."

...a great man - Ernest Hemingway

numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me

Holding too tightly afraid to lose control

Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know

I may end up failing too

But I know

You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

words:Linkin Park

half empty or half full

Is your glass half empty or half full? A question I keep on asking myself over and over the last couple of months. Why do I love wine so much? What is it about this perfected essence of life that prickles my senses in so many ways that it makes the hair on my back stand up? To many people unfortunately only a way to escape the troubles of everyday reality by over-indulgence for which this art work has never been destined for. A shame really. A notion I strongly and openly oppose. What a waste and a bad show window for future purists. So why wine? Well I like to think of wine as a living being. That has a beginning and an end. A life of puberty. Adolescences. Difficult student life perhaps. Then growing up and maturing till you reach a stage where it goes downhill very quickly from there. I like to think of its upbringing in the vineyards and about the people that cared for the grapes. The circumstances it had to face ranging from extreme heat to cold windy and even icy conditions. Fighting and beating all the odds to produces perfect grapes for yet another grand millesime. And afterwards how it evolves into excellence. Whether you keep it for two years or twenty, it has its peak. To follow the development is like watching a child grow up. Until that day when you finally pull the cork and the harmony of nature is revealed. The imagination of winemaker meets consumer. Appreciation of consumer rewards the collective efforts of viticulturist and oenologist together with what nature has given them that year regarding soil and climate. How they shaped and moulded those grapes into perfection. A job well done. Next time you take a sip keep in mind the slog and toil. And I guess that is the answer. Wine releases a sense of belonging in me. It brings about a sense of contentment just thinking or speaking about it. I like the way wine makes me think about things. About life. Always half full please.

its own heartbeat

What is it about wine people often ask me. Well my philosophy has always been that to be able to appreciate the wine you have to understand where it comes from; who made it and for what reason. This is one of the reasons why I have spent my time travelling around to see the places where the wines are made. Where the grapes are grown; to see the orientation of the grapes towards the sun; the distance from the sea; the slope and inclination of the hills and mountains…They all carry an effect on the final product. The best way after all to understand each wine you taste is to see it place of birth. I find immense pleasure to stand in the vineyard with the winemaker while he explains the influences of his terroir while the sun is beating down on my back and the gentle breeze is blowing across my face. To see the pride he takes in his work. I believe that true winemakers are some of the more passionate people you will find on earth. Now add some hardship and triumph to the mix and you have yourself a bomb for passionate conversation, festivities and conviviality. I have been from the smallest and simplest producers to the most prestigious and expensive. I have been honoured to have been able to taste wine has been unmatched. To conclude - it is my passion to taste the wines. But it is not just about the wines. It’s understanding what goes into it; the place; the people; the winemaker and his family; their history. It all blends together and give every wine a personality of its own. Whether big or small, cheap or expensive - every wine has its own heartbeat.

quality

I think the most debated topic concerning wine must be the question of quality. So I will briefly try to give my opinion on the matter by putting forward my general mindset and the way I like to think about it. Then I want you to go and form your own opinion. However, remember that there is always a flip side to the coin. There is a place for every one in the sun. I believe that quality, like beauty, lies in the eye of the beholder…in our case, in the mouth, nose and senses of the taster. After all, drinking and tasting wine in a “full-on” experience of all senses combining. And that is the essence of my argument. That enjoying wine is not reserved for a French “oenologue” or a British wine critic. On the contrary – it is for the people. So to get to heart of the matter – quality – you have to remove the false stigma and pretence that comes with enjoying the sweet nectar of the grape. I always say that most important thing to ask a consumer is whether or not he/she enjoys the wine. If they do, then we have quality right there! Cos at the end of the day it is not the competitions of Paris, Brussels or London that decide which wine is the best. NO! It’s you the consumer. Your vote is most important. Quality more often than not is linked to the context in which the wine is consumed, with who and the pleasure it brings. To illustrate this point I can honestly say that I have often tasted the same wine but in different contexts – with friends, in competitions or even in its rawest from in the cellar. And very seldom have I attached the same “quality” to the exact same product. I think “quality” should be divided into different terms such as drinking-pleasure; value-for-money; terroir-expression; etc. And because we all search for something different in the same wine how is it possible or how can it be expected of us to have the same quality barometer? Therefore - You are your own “quality” and don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise.

a twist of champers

too much of anything is bad

but too much Champagne is just right!

----- Scott Fitzgerald

one holds a bottle of red wine by the neck

a woman by the waist

and a bottle of Champagne by the "derriere"

----- Mark Twain

three be the things I shall never attain:

envy

contentment

....and sufficient Champagne.

----- Dorothy Parker

Champagne makes you feel like it’s sunday and better days are just around the corner.

----- Marlene Dietrich

Champagne is the only wine that leaves a woman beautiful after drinking it.

----- madame De Pompadour

there comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne. ----- Bette Davis

the feeling of friendship is like that of being comfortably filled with roast beef

love is like being enlivened with Champagne.

----- Samuel Johnson

in a perfect world, everyone would have a glass of Champagne every evening.

----- Willie Gluckstern

why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? doesn't everyone?

----- Noel Coward

the art of living

wine is my passion

its my family and friends

its warmth of heart

its generosity of spirit

wine is art

its culture

its the essence of civilization

its the art of living

----ROBERT MONDAVI

the essence of wine

(according to the definition below, i think i might fit the profile!)

to make a great wine one needs:
a madman to grow the vine;
a wise man to watch over it;
a lucid poet to make the wine;
and a lover to drink it!
- Dali

wine wisdom

a healthy appetite, good humour and a big thirst!

the great auberon waugh once uttered the following piece of wisdom concerning wine:

"a wine-writer should never like a wine -

he should be in love with it.

never find a wine disappointing -

but identify it as a moral enemy;

an attempt to poison him.

bizarre and improbable side tastes should be proclaimed -

mushrooms, rotting wood, black treacle, burned pencils, condensed milk, sewage, the smell of French railway stations or ladies’ underwear."

the father of the rhone, michel chapoutier, once said:

“if you think too much about wine and the drinking there of you can kill it. the brain is a pleasure killer."

wise uncle william s in othello proclaimed:

"good wine is a good familiar creature if it be well used"

some french guy having a better moment:

"here's to the corkscrew - a useful key to unlock the storehouse of wit, the treasury of laughter, the front door of fellowship, and the gate of pleasant folly"

jerome k in his infinite wisdom proclaimed:

"let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need;

a homely home and simple pleasures;

one or two friends worth the name;

someone to love and someone to love you;

a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two;

enough to eat and enough to wear;

and a little more than enough to drink;

for thirst is a dangerous thing"

a legend in his own way, ernst hemingway said:

"wine is one of the most civilized things in the world and one of the most natural things of the world that has been brought to the greatest perfection, and it offers a greater range for enjoyment and appreciation than, possibly, any other purely sensory thing."

wycherly in the country life was quoted:

"wine gives us liberty, love takes it away.

wine makes us princes, love leaves us beggars."

martin luther:

"he who loves not wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long."

secrets

looking out over the empty streets. there is not much to see. the mist and the fog have risen out of the sea. though in his mind he can still see. all the dreams once made solid. all the dreams once made real. all of those buildings. dark and empty now. what was once a hub and a buzz. now just a shell of nothingness. all of the cars. it was once the dream. now just a memory in somebodys head. he pictures the broken glass. pictures the steam. he imagines the boats coming in. the talk in the harbour when the men returned. he pictures the soul of what was. now a forgotten bay with a big leak at the seam. lets take the boat out. until darkness comes. nowhere on the horison. only pale colours of green and grey. nothing in the suburbs. emptiness is the cold light of day. there in the midst of it so alive and alone. his words giving support to the thoughts rumbling inside his head. dreaming of empty streets. wear your inside out for them to see. dreaming. in her arms again. have they moved that sign around his heart. still dreaming. dreaming of her. pulling out the snap shot of her years ago. his heart skips. tugging at the darkness. beat upon beat. confession of all the secret things. to a priest. to a doctor. can they handle the shock. or should he just lie down in the warm velvet box. he trembles. he remembers kissing her lips. with her father out in his boat. riding the water. riding the waves on the sea. now it is empty. the streets. the harbour. his heart. his mind. only the secrets remain. out in the streets. they laugh at him. they tease him. his secrets. yes. secrets.

u dont have to be shy

baby slow down. whats the rush. where are we running to. remember the end is never as much fun as the beginning. please lets not grow up. let us not spoil it. stay a child. for my sake. i know it is hidden somewhere in your heart. i want to give you everything you want. whatever it might be. wherever it might be. i dont care how far i have to go to find it. i will. you are the first one of your kind. and probably the last. will there ver be another. with you it feels like with no-one before. your smell. your touch. you steal my heart with every word you speak. and i want you some more. i want all of what you got. i want nothing that you're not. everywhere you go people stop and stare. they turn around to look some more. but i want to be the only one. you dont have to be shy about it. some things you just have to accept. things that is not worth fighting. you just get too good at it. like smiling. or crying. or laughing. people like you have far too much confidence. but they are always alone. they always hide behind a mask. or a wall. come on now. you dont have to be shy about it. and dont try to be brave. show me your soul. you've been keeping your heart under control. but it is time to let go. to forget and live.

sometimes you cant make it on your own

i was just chilling by myself at home. writting in my journal. and this song by U2 came up on the ipod. and it brought back so many good memories. i sat there in utter contentment and just smiled thinking - what a freaking life i have! bono wrote this song for his dad. about what his dad gave him as a little boy. and it got me thinking how lucky we are - those of us with superdads. i know i am surely one of the lucky ones. this is to all the dads out there!

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I... that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need... I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can you hear me when I sing,
You're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

find me

it is all around me now. this feeling inside. so i am taking a hold of it. it is hidden in the words. it sometimes doesn't feel enough. other days it suffocates me. it's building up. one day it leaves me feeling weak. other days i can' be strong enough to take it all in. i need one more day. just one more day. or else my world will crash. give me time. more time so that i can take it. don't allow the world to come crashing down around me. i thought it might be indestructible. then reality took a hold of me. sometimes i find it hard. even if my reason is good enough. i'll stand and fight for this. i will keep my head up high. never did i plan to leave through it all of this. i trust in faith to bring a way. for me alone it would be impossible. would it be possible to find me. i keep looking over my shoulder. i'll be here. standing there. it remains all around me now. so i take a hold. and my faith brings the way. to the impossible. only one more day. to find me. you found me. one day. you can find me anywhere.

open wounds

i am in the dark with my music on. i wish though that i was somewhere else. somewhere safe. why did you take out all your anger on me. why did you make me feel this way. why did you break me down. why did you betray me. why did you break my trust. why did you walk away from this. i cried out. to somebody. anybody to help. but they let me rot all by myself. alone. and now i am fighting. i am not giving in to this war you left inside. time to get out. so i am out of here. i am not coming back. cos i am falling apart. and my self distruction is all your fault. now everything is about to change. cos i have made the decision. yes. i was never good enough. but now it does not matter anymore. cos i am getting out. there is one hand that reached down. so dont expect me to call. dont expect me to stay. how could you hate me. all i did was wanting to succeed. how can you say that you loved me when all you left me with was open wounds.